Today while driving to a holiday gathering with my family, Adele’s “Hello” came on the radio. I said to my husband, “Quick, change it so this song isn’t stuck in my head for the next eight days.” Two somber piano notes later, Adele utters her first, “Hello,” and my husband says, “Too late.” He laughs at me and we proceed to listen to the entire song.
Once the ballad was over and we were released from the four minutes of sadness that gripped our souls, I had an epiphany. Adele just might be a magical sorceress.
She might be a witch, people.
There’s no other logical explanation for the way she has us all under her spell. Here are 10 reasons why I have come to this conclusion:
1. Her spooky beautiful eyes. I mean look at them. Wait, don’t. If you do, you will be under her spell faster than you can say, “Medusa.”
2. Her sharp witchy nails – Seriously, who files their nails into sharp points unless you need them to pluck out eye of newt for the magic potion in your black cauldron?
3. That otherworldly voice. She must have struck a deal with you-know-who in order to have a voice that amazing. Just sayin.
4. Her influence over emotions. Those gloomy lyrics immediately send you into a depressed reflective state, reminiscing about past loves and mistakes. One minute you’re washing the dishes; the next minute you’re in a heap on the floor, sobbing into a wad of tissues.
[I can’t even. Photo by erizof on Flickr]
5. She loves to wear black. Like Maleficent, Elphaba, Yzma, and the Evil Queen, Adele knows her best color is powerful, slimming, and totally vintage. (I ain’t mad at ya, Adele! I’m all about the black-and-white combo, à la Cruella Deville and Beetlejuice.)
[Ohhh that Yzma!]
6. Her control of the weather. While we were driving and “Hello” came on, it literally started raining. Hubby said, “Look, Adele’s lyrics are so sad, she made it rain!”
[Actual photo I took when it began to rain.]
7. Her charm. When she speaks in interviews and when she laughs with that adorable burst of laughter you want to be her best friend. Admit it, when she was on Jimmy Fallon last month you tried to plot a way for you and Adele to casually cross paths so you could eventually become BFF.
[Photo by Douglas Gorenstein/NBC]
8. She puts a spell on people from all walks of life. It doesn’t matter if you’re a middle-aged Asian man who owns a dry cleaning business (like my husband’s good friend — true story) or a twenty-something with too many breakups under her belt, Adele’s music will enchant you—and there’s nothing you can do about it.
9. She makes you shell out money you don’t have. Like a Ursula the sea witch charging naïve Ariel way too high a price, Adele will cause you to spend your child’s college tuition on a ticket in the nosebleed section of her concert…or at least drop the cost of several Starbucks lattes on her album.
[Photo by Jessica on Flickr]
10. Hello? Need I even mention how her music pierces your heart? Anyone in earshot of her siren song is instantly captivated and put in a trance-like state of deep reflection and regret. Her haunting lyrics get stuck in your head for months.
In summary, if Adele had a house made out of candy in the forest, and you knew full well that entering that home would most likely end in your demise, you wouldn’t even care. You would wander into that house anyway gobble up her treacherous array of melancholy treats. So run in the opposite direction before it’s too late. As for me, I’m going to turn on her album now and have a good cry.